I understand that change is necessary. Sometimes the change brings relief and sometimes it just plain sucks getting through it. There are all sorts of quotes out there that apply the concept and remind us that usually the end results are in our favor. I agree, even if all that ever happens is relief, that the pain is over and done with. There have been quite a few times that it’s been months or years before I can make sense of what I experienced and the lessons I learned from it. There is always something to be learned or be grateful for.
The past couple years have been a lengthy lesson to the point that I’m just getting worn down from it all. I’ve learned a LOT about myself from it! Lately, I’ve consulted the Universe, my dog, the cats, Tarot cards, my dead relatives, the dust particles floating in the sunlight streaming in my living room by asking, “SERIOUSLY…what more am I supposed to be learning from all of this?!” Nobody’s gotten back to me yet, go figure. Thank god I’m stubborn in my own special way; it’s what’s going to get me through to normalcy again. I told Gary that this must be the female version of a mid-life crisis. I’ve always assumed only guys go through that mid-life crap…as it should be. He had some philosophical insights on my dilemma which all kind of made sense but it didn’t make it miraculously go away.
So. While I wait impatiently for the next lesson to magically appear (has anyone seen my freakin’ fairy godmother with her god-damn wand?), I’m going to:
1. Concentrate on honing my energy healing. I’ll be working on anyone/anything that moves. It’s too valuable of a skill to not put my heart & soul back into it. It’ll help balance me too…bonus!
2. Finish the stuff that needs to get done in the house.
3. Continue to have fun wherever I can find it!
4. Love myself unconditionally!
I don’t plan on life’s lessons ever ending. I’m always learning new things about myself and trying to change the things I don’t like or at least keep them in check. It’s kind of what makes life rather exciting (just not right now); knowing I’ll never have all the answers until I hit the hay for the last time.
Life sucks sometimes so we can appreciate the good times even more
Even when life is good…it can be confusing and difficult. I guess that’s what keeps me from getting complacent. That’s when I need nature, and quiet, and sometimes a good cry. I’m grateful that the full moon is always dependable in its calming effect on me.
For the past couple decades February 14 included candy, hearts & flowers but more importantly it also meant having a birthday cake. Twenty some years ago I was looking forward to the fun of having an April Fools baby. The possibilities on crazy birthday parties were going to be endless. It was also going to be great fun making the birth announcements; I would embellish on the weirdness of it all. But April Fools babies also like to be little tricksters. A week before Christmas I started going into labor (the rest of the story is posted on http://elizabetsyt.com/?p=11). Seven weeks later #2 interrupted my hospital Tupperware party to make a grand entrance seven weeks before her due date. She surprised everyone in the hospital by staying hunkered down inside where she belonged for as long as she did. They called her a miracle…I call it down right stubbornness.
She’s all grown up now and making a life of her own with her boyfriend, Pooh Bear. He got that nickname because he’s dating #2 (let me know if you need that verified). She’s funny (gets that from me), works hard for what she wants, opens up to me more than most kids would, is compassionate and fiercely loyal to those she’s closest to. We have a strong heart connection and I love her to infinity.
Today my own Valentine came home, walked up behind my chair and said, “Close your eyes.” So I closed my eyes, swung around and opened my mouth (food perhaps?). I closed my mouth when I heard the zipper and then a laugh. “Hold out your hands.” When I opened my eyes I was holding a present! Wrapped in heart paper and everything! He even made a homemade card with heartfelt smut sentiments. The kid in me started unwrapping the present but he made me read the card first…typical adult. Red Hot Truffles! I LOVE Red Hot Truffles; they’re so chocolaty delicious & spicy…Mmmm. And not a 6 pack like I was going to get myself but a 15 pack! I’m going to try to eat only 3 a day. Thank goodness I’ll be gone for 4 days so they’ll last longer.
It quite possibly outranks the onyx & jade necklace that I bought for him to give me. I showed him last night what he bought for me and he’s impressed with how well he does getting me stuff I really like…every time! I much prefer our little buying arrangement, especially when it comes to jewelry. My family is under strict orders NEVER to get me something that is shown on the Jeweler commercials. Definitely not me.
So all in all it was a highly successful Valentine’s Day because not only did I get my spicy chocolates…I wasn’t the one who bought them. It’s the little things.
I cried like a baby whenever I heard this song while pregnant with #2
Recess on the playground of the Kindergarten, First & Second graders. We’re surrounded by expanses of a snowy winter wonderland. The play equipment that is usually strung with screeching monkeys is virtually empty. The slides, swings & tunnels are now occupied by the quietest kids. Despite the freedom of “Muahahahahaha…it’s all mine!” I would think it’s still a little unsettling having the place all to themselves. And boring.
Meanwhile, back on the range, three quarters of the kids have left the confines of the play equipment and ventured out into the fields of snow and the snow covered blacktop. Toys of choice: snow shovels (big ticket item), sand shovels & pails, their mitten covered hands. There were groups of kids making huge snowballs or adding to the ones from previous classes, piling snow up into random mounds, trying to make snow castles, snow angels, pushing the shovels around making trails on the blacktop and attempting snow football. It was so cool watching the kids just being kids. No toys and basic toys. Kids don’t need a lot when it comes right down to it.
So as I stood outside during the recesses, basking in the beautiful cold winter day I noticed two things. I hadn’t heard a lot of, “Teacher…so-and-so told me I can’t be blah-blah’s friend and she was my friend first.” (because Norman Rockwell wouldn’t have put that in this picture) and with the wide expanse of children all around me, it felt like I was in the middle of this commercial:
If I had put a big empty box on the playground I definitely would have caught a few
The sounds of playground ruckus & the fierceness that comes with it
Elizabeth had a big smile on her face and was all, “WooHoo,”** and giving the thumbs up sign. She would have start chanting “We’re number one! We’re number one!” if Tebazilena hadn’t knocked her on the side of the head, “Listen up numb-nut that is NOT a good thing!” Even Betsy, who momentarily had a smug smile about our being in some sort of ‘elite’ group, had to admit that when a massage therapist is overly impressed with your tightness, you did not win first prize. The only thing I won was a chance to help pay off a bunch more of her* bills and maybe some nice shoes with a matching purse. In the amount of time it may take for her to get my muscles all loosey-goosey again…maybe a trip to a tropical isle.
I tend to store my emotions on my left side which coinkadinky*** is the female side of the body. I asked Gary which side of his body do the muscles hurt more? What a surprise…the right. Every week SheRa P.o.P. has to rework my neck & upper back trying to get ahead of whatever it is I keep storing there. I have a lot more meditating to do to let go of my emotional baggage. Interestingly, my body is a mirror image to my house…a lot of stuff; ironic that I’m trying to downsize both.
One comment that SheRa says which makes us all quite proud is, “You pink up really nice!” In the massage world this means that my blood has good circulation. “WooHoo!” I’ll take whatever compliment I can knowing what wretched condition my muscles are in.
Okay, fast forward a few weeks from when I started writing this post.
SheRa has now moved from my upper bod and started working on the lower back mess. “You’ve got a tight ass!” “Why…thank you very much! I don’t normally let other people feel my ass.” Elizabeth does 3 backflips and is beaming with pride. Tebazilena started to remind us again that this isn’t a compli~Elizabeth slapped a muzzle on her before she could say it. Betsy asked, “Could you make it cute and perky like when we were 20?” “I’m not a miracle worker.” Well, actually she is but gravity seems to be the stronger villain here. On the upside, at least she didn’t say I WAS a tight ass. Having a tight ass sounds way better! And then she laughed at the irony that I’m naked on her table but wearing my socks (I was having a hot flash & she uncovered my feet). What can I say; my feet seem to always be cold & we like our snuggly socks. We talk about the coolest stuff!
*I was messing with you (my massage therapist, who is a woman, suggested I say he instead of she); I will call her SheRa, Princess of Power because she has incredible hands (& probably feet although I haven’t had her walk on me yet) and is very skillful with getting my muscles to do as they’re told.
** Cool words that spell-checker doesn’t know. It wanted me to replace WooHoo with Boohoo. Excuse me but that would mean the OPPOSITE of what I’m trying to convey. I should work with the word people and open their eyes up to all the words they’re missing out on. They must be boring people.
***Spell-checker didn’t even know what to do with this one. LOL, it’s probably still scratching its head.
I should lend her this CD. It would either soothe some of her clientele or freak ’em out.
Why is it that the YouTube videos with commercials that start out with an option to end the ad early, are the ones that are actually worth watching? The sucky ones that you have no choice but to watch are also usually the longest. So in lieu of posting a really cool song, here are some really cool commercials that tripped my trigger:
This kind of help would NOT have happened in our home. Baked goods…maybe. Kudos to the moms who rock like this!
Ahahaha…everyone needs this kind of friend! Even though it’s a talking stuffed heart.
The Sherlock Holmes in me got kind of excited about playing detective.
The song caught my attention (love the song) and hooked me into watching the preview. I think I might watch this!
…I rather enjoyed it!
Even though it was ALL delicious I still prefer eating Indian food just a few times a year. The first time I ate Indian food was in New York City. Who knew goat meat could be so tasty (although those yummy spices would probably make squirrel* taste good).
At the end of the meal our waiter brought us warm, moist, ultra soft napkins rolled up and served on plates so we could wipe our hands (WAY classier than the moist Towelettes I receive at the places I normally frequent). My brother & I started to unroll ours and at the same time noticed our mom had picked hers up and was raising it up to her mouth. We both shouted, “NO!” at the same time before she had a chance to bite off a chunk of her napkin. She blinked in astonishment at us like WE were the crazy ones. “Mom…it’s a napkin…for your hands.” We all had a good laugh about it but in hindsight I had kinda wished that we’d let her go; see how long it would take to bite off a chunk of her chewy ‘burrito.’ In her defense it actually felt like a warm, smooth burrito shell but still…it was the start of our list of “Signs that it’s time for a nursing home.”
I like the ambiance & food at the Indian restaurant near us and I always get the buffet because I have no idea what the names of the dishes mean and the descriptions are kind of vague. I like variety and I can try a sample of all sorts of different dishes. This time before we left, #3 & I took a take-out menu and marked off what we liked from the buffet for next time. I asked the guy where the carrot looking stuff was listed because it was so incredibly delicious; I had a second helping for my dessert. “It’s Gajar Halwa, right here under Desserts.” No WONDER my body was in seventh heaven eating those sweet, coconutty** carrots. It was a DESSERT! Those tricksy** Indian people…I love their style! Thank heavens I had already drunk the Maharaja beer for my dessert before I found out. Two desserts! Win-win for me! In the background: Daughter #3 got brave and ordered the Mango Milk Shake (milk flavored with mango & rose water). Quite tasty!
So I have one Indian dinner under my belt for the new year and I’ve converted #3 over to some new taste experiences that she likes. Of all my kids, #3 was my pickiest eater. And when I say picky, I mean PICKY!!! She drove me slightly crazy insane when it came to eating. I’m still a little in shock at the turnaround she’s done and what she’s willing to try now. I’m so proud of my little pumpkin pie!
Disclaimer: *I’ve never eaten squirrel (although I’m sure someone that actually has will tell me they taste like chicken) but I detest them enough that if there was a Zombie Apocalypse I would definitely put them on the menu!
**Cool words that spell checker doesn’t know.
Surprisingly I have no Indian music on my Favorites List; this video seems to be a good compromise. Instead of ABCD, I saw the letters ACDC (a favorite band of mine) so that got me excited and #3 is good at & loves to dance like the people in this movie. Be forewarned though, it has scary clowns in it and you won’t get this kind of action at the restaurant we went to:
Monday~I’m applying for a job that requires a resume; a requirement that is sooo incredibly outside my comfort zone. I put on my big girl panties…and it’s still difficult…and nerve wracking. I would’ve liked to hire this out to someone else but Tebazilena is convinced we can get through this with our sanity intact. Oh yeah, I also want it done by today. I want to get the jump on all the other applicants. I’m planning on me being the only applicant but sometimes my wants and reality don’t jive as expected. Betsy decided, years decades ago, we would only work at a place that DID NOT require a resume. That would be all fine and dandy if it were rational but we really want this job.
Tuesday~Sending my resume out to different people for feedback. So much for getting it done in one day but I want it to look professional.
Wednesday~Okay, I’m done with the resume and now I need a cover letter. Arrrgh! I can’t just whip these things out like I’m sure some people can. I have to research, which I think may be driving #3 daughter a little crazy. She thinks I should not be so anal about it and mellow out. LOL, it’s almost like she doesn’t know me after all these years. It’s been quite a few decades since the days I needed a resume. The rules have changed…probably a couple times. Words that got you the job 10+ years ago are now curse words that send your application to the shredder. I think the organization I’m going to work for is more people friendly and less cut-throat but I’m not taking any chances.
Thursday~Okay, now it’s another day later and the organization will have my cover letter and resume today. I’d like to get all nervous about the upcoming interview but I’m going to try doing the opposite. Just be me, let the Universe handle the rest and let go. On second thought, maybe I’ll just do a little research on a few things and save all that other cosmic stuff for the actual interview. I’m already imagining BEING in this job. I already know which mug I’m bringing for my coffee, having a supply of my own coffee in the fridge, which driving route I’m taking, walking to Music in the Park during lunch this summer, being so awesome that my part-time status becomes full time w/benefits before the end of the year. Ahhh, it’s fun living in my brain when we’re all in agreement!
I hung out today with one of my therapists, Lady Susan. She’s royalty, much like I am. I think she also has a tiara but I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen her wear it. If she hadn’t decided to go with me I would’ve gone by myself. I like being all by myself sometimes but having Lady Susan along is like going to an amusement park instead of just sitting on a park bench with the squirrels. First we went to an indoor Farmer’s Market for veggies, seeds, patchouli & honey. I was pretty excited that the sprouts guy was there again; it’s a fun snack in the dead of winter.
Next stop was a museum to see the animated holiday window displays salvaged from a local department store from our childhood. I am sooo glad I didn’t bring the kids. They would’ve laughed at the lameness of my magical childhood. Back in the 60’s, seeing anything that moved was a pretty big deal; especially when you’re a little kid. As we went from one display to the next, Lady Susan & I would remark, “I don’t really remember this one either.” We were both hoping one of the windows would trigger a memory. Near the end we see the kitchen baking scene. How ironic…the food scene is the one I vaguely remember. Maybe it was just the child in me that really wanted to see & feel what I did back in my youth.
I really can’t remember what scenes I saw back then. What I do remember are the feelings; the excitement of my parents bringing all of us kids to the big city to walk the sidewalk outside the department store & look at the magic of technology with its moving figures. I’m sure I looked at the whole scene at each window but my main focus was on the stuff that moved. I have memories of being fascinated by that. Then we went inside & walked through the ‘enchanted forest’ to see Santa Claus. It was one of the highlights of Christmas. All in all I’m glad I finally went to see the displays. It was nice to see the windows again through my adult eyes but with the memories & feelings of my childhood still intact inside me.
We would’ve left then but the entrance to a cave caught my eye and I felt compelled to explore. We continued walking and looking at displays until I realized that it felt like we were in the middle of a maze & I was getting a little bit claustrophobic because there didn’t seem to be a way out. I’m pretty sure we could’ve found our way out faster if they had wedges of cheese waiting for us at the end.
Before heading home we stopped for some shots of wheatgrass & ginger. We’re rebels that way. It was spicy hot, sweet & delicious…just like we are! The whole day we laughed, bantering back & forth with comedic timing. We’re a funny pair, sweet Sue & me. Funny lookin’ & just plain funny! I’m fortunate to have a lot of funny therapists & I love them all. They keep me healthy. We’d all make for a kick-ass TV talk show!
I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I can’t eat sugar…probably ever. I lose the weight…I start eating sugar & bread…I gain the weight back. I lose the weight (a little less each time)…I start eating sugar & bread…I gain the weight back…etc.,etc.,etc. I don’t even want to figure out how often I’ve fallen off my horse (she’s a really large Clydesdale named Teensy Weensy). She used to run off indefinitely. Now she waits patiently next to me until I can get the ladder out and climb back on. This time she was gone a long time; I think she was trying to teach me a lesson. Lesson learned! It took me a long time to write my resolutions post (1/05/13) because the 3 of us were trying to figure out a way to keep some foods ‘safe’ from the chopping block because they were considered healthy. Chocolate won by a landslide (Elizabeth has a way with words!).
That was a light bulb moment for me. Carb addiction is no different than alcoholism, smoking or drug addiction. Well, there is one difference. Your body doesn’t need alcohol, cigarettes or drugs (& sugar, contrary to some people’s belief) to survive. Food, that’s a different story. You do have to eat. You have to make food choices every day! Try giving up junk food, sugar, bread or alcohol and find out how few of places there are that are safe. In no way am I trying to say one addiction is more difficult than another. What I am saying is that sugar IS an addiction. So when well-meaning friends tell me that it’s not good to totally give it up; to eat a small piece of something sweet and then not have any more, I started telling them, “Would you say that to an alcoholic?” I CAN’T EAT JUST ONE! It slowly (& sometimes not so slowly) snowballs into a feeding frenzy I can’t stop until I make myself sick. I’m envious of those of you that can eat sweets and stop after a few pieces or only eat some and decide you don’t want the rest. I can actually do that with alcohol. I enjoy beer, scotch & wine but I can either say no altogether or not finish a drink because my body just decides I don’t want it anymore; especially if I’m full from food.
About the same time I decided not to label myself a carb-addict, I realized that if I want to really be healthy long term I have to go against societies norm of ‘don’t deny yourself totally or you’ll want it even more.’ LOL, seriously? I want it more as soon as I start eating it! And pretty soon all I can think about is my next fix. This blog post came to me very last minute because I was reading an article that explains really well how some of us literally can’t eat just one. How many of you have a problem staying away from something you ache for but can’t have? Here’s the article (it won’t let me link it so you’ll have to copy & paste): http://athleanx.com/for-women/spike-crash-and-burn-how-even-a-little-sugar-could-be-sabotaging-your-weight-loss-and-workouts
Over the years I’ve had people ask what the difference is between the 3 personalities, “Who am I talking to now?” Before I get into their characteristics I should put in some disclaimers. Well, first of all, they’re all playfully certifiable so they’re kept locked up in my brain. They pick the lock frequently and wander aimlessly in my thoughts. I’m pretty sure one of them came from another dimension. They are intrigued & amused by the smallest of things. They drive me insane & keep me sane. I love them all because they make me…me. I’m going to blame my parental units for their initial upbringing because I was very impressionable in my early years. That’s right M & D, when you shake your head at my antics…I’ll just remind you who raised me! Here is the secret key to my whimsical world…
My 13 ‘resolutions’ that I’m pretty sureI’m positive I will absolutely do this year! At least I’m going to try harder than I usually do. After all, I’ve still got 360 days left! This year we’re going to do the same stuff we’ve been working on up to now but put a positive spin on how we think/say it. There’s a little bit of arguing lively discussion going on in my head over what we need to get rid of & what 13 things go on the list. Tebazilena has stopped talking & that’s never a good thing. She has the master list of what all of us know we want to be doing & she’s getting tired of all the bullshit. I think we all need a time out………….in real time that was 24 hours. Here is our (compromised version) of anti-resolutions:
1. Learn/do something new=Keep adding spice to my life…in my food & otherwise!
2. Stop being a carb addict=Never refer to myself as an addict ever again (of anything)!
3. Break the unhealthy carb cycle=Eat real foods that actually nourish my amazing goddess temple.
4. Do yoga every day=Do yoga one day a week (& then: do yoga one more day a week).
5. Unclutter the house=Every day put something in the Give Away box, recycle or throw away. Continue changing the negative to the positive:
6. It’s time to grow up=I will always encourage the kid inside me to play. Never stop playing!
7. I screwed up, I wish I hadn’t done that!=I learned something really important today!
8. I wish things were different=Live in the here & now! Always remember:
9. Every day I wake up is a new day to start over.
10. Be grateful every day for at least one thing.
11. Less is more…freedom, time, energy, health.
12. You can laugh or you can cry. Laugh every chance you get!
13. Be true to myself…nobody else can do it like I can!
So, basically, we’re continuing on the same quest as previous years but with a different philosophy on some of the issues. I do really well at times and then something crappy happens & I have to find my footing all over again. Life is definitely like a roller coaster. I love the feeling in my stomach when it gets to the top and then drops down; everything is fun & exhilarating on the ride down! But then life socks you in the gut with gravity and it’s an uphill climb to the top again. Even the best laid plans get side tracked…or derailed. I’ll never forget the time I went with the girls on a trip to an amusement park. We rode roller coasters all day long. By nighttime I had such a headache from my brain being banged against my skull…probably not a good thing for brains in general. Sometimes life hurts like that but I’m still glad I keep getting back on the ride. I’m working on embracing the down times as the part of life that they are and just keep taking deep breathes until they pass on to more fun times. Just like when I rub my Buddha belly and say, “I love you too roly-poly pod of tummy fat.” It helps if you can feel the love too so I just pretend that it’s a baby in a front pack carrier. I’m kind of looking forward to this ‘baby’ leaving the nest this year…permanently. But I still love you!
P.S. I also have a good roller coaster analogy for the major depression I went through in my 30’s but it’s kind of depressing so I’ll probably save it for the book.